I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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