Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
