I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
