can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
