I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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