They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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