I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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