i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize