I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
