I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
