So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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