On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
