the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
