so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize