Sry I called you an 8
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
