Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just gargled with NyQuil
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
