Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
