I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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