If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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