of course. lets lasso hookers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
