i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
