I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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