I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Welp...herpes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
