Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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