Kiss
Puke
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
