Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
