.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
