I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
