Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
