Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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