You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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