i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize