I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
