She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
