Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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