you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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