my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
