is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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