Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
