Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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