My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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