i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
how drunk are you?
Several
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
