she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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