piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
