dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
