he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
