I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
