WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
