I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
