Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
