Jerry, you need to find god
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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