We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
