I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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