Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
