if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
