I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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