Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
