I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Randomize
