im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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