i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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