do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
