Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
