wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
