how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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