He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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