I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
