sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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