I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
