My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize