Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Someone signed my nipple.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
