my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
