come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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