their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
