Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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