just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize