Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
