Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
