My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
