Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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