dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
