the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
