barbara walters just said penis...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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