It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
