I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
