My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
