In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
