I puked a lego.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
