How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
