But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize