she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
