found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
