when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize