if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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