when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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