My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize