driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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