Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
