I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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