Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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