i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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