My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
