More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
