I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
