My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize